.shutup.

I'll laugh to keep the noise out. I'll cry to keep my mind off of the things I know scare the crap out of me. With each sob and each giggle, I know my mind will be too occupied to think of you and your stupid songs.

Your stupid songs.

That sing of your life. Your life that I know is just as hard as mine. Maybe worse. Probably worse. But do you have to be so harsh? Do you have to hurt me too much that I am reduced to trying to keep you out by crying and laughing at the same time?

Don't you know how much it hurts?

Don't you know how I feel each song stab me in the stomach and spill my guts out?!

But you don't, don't you? After all, you've only been occupied with yourself lately. With your pretty little toy that is my world and with your pretty little doll that is me. And is that all I am? Wonderful, little mister. You have made my day.

Do you know how many angels have passed me by and asked me if I was alright? Do you know how many demons even tried to haul me away from my spot? But I hold on. Because you need me more than I need you and I know that without me, things will go awry and you will lose your mind.

Little boy, I am your anchor.

Do you know?

Little boy, do you know that I worry until my face turns ashen when I do not hear you cross the floor at night? When I know you're out there, playing with the sharps and the dulls of the lulls of the cruel world we both exist in? But you wouldn't know... It is hidden.

Just like your smile. Hidden in the secret cove of ours.

In our secrets...

In our memories.

In our past.

But what of the future, little boy? What of the hope there used to be, creating a chance that we could run out the door and be ourselves once again? Little children, we are, little boy, and we know that without our future, we will shrivel up and die like the raisins you hate so much.

But I love raisins...

They taste well with the omelets you used to make me when we used to live by our hearts and our minds were closed to the dirtiness that existed beyond that door that the Grown Ups never let us go through.

But I had to protect you.

So I had forgone your rainbow omelets.

You got mad. You got mad at me. And I was crying! You were mad! I didn't want you to be mad at me! I wanted to make you happy! I wanted us to be happy! But you ran! And I had to follow! Because without me, without us together, the world we have so carefully built up will crumble into dust and into our memoirs.

And you left me.

You had gone through the door.

I had to follow.

I found you. You weren't mad.

You weren't looking at me at all.

You grew up...

You left me and grew up...

And now, you're not so little anymore, little boy.

And you play with me because I am still little.

Was it my fault?

Because I did not eat an omelet?

NO! No! NO! No! NO!

It wasn't my fault!

Shuttup!

Stop laughing!

Stop.