distance

I was trembling again.

I knew why.

Now I knew why...

I knew why I was shaking so bad that it hurts. That my teeth chatter and grind against each other in every passing second. The winds chase down the ghosts of my past, the horrid and evil ones that have watched over me and had nurtured the darkest side of this being reflected in the cracked, soulless mirror.

I knew.

Damnit.

I knew!

But there was nothing in hell that I could do about it.

And it hurts.

It really hurts.

I want to cry out to them, reach out to them, they who had known of this hurt for the longest, longest, longest time. Since before I had been created, since before the thought of a dark and haunted little girl barely breathing was insinuated in their drug-induced minds.

But that was it, was it not?

They had wanted it to happen. They had wanted to let me feel the pain.

They had wanted so much from me that I would fall down, crippled, immobilized.

Scared.

Hurt.

All over again.

The angels cry for blood, for war. I can hear them. But then, they, too, are unreachable. I wonder. And I wonder. Too much that my head wants to explode with too many haunted and scary thoughts that I start shivering again.

My fingers are frozen, my nails are turning purplish and blue. But that is the pain only on the outside. On the superficial facade that everyone has grown to detest because of the frozen smile and the frozen eyes and the frozen heart. Because that is what they had wanted and that is what they achieved.

I try to reach out.

With all that is left of a broken heart.

No one can hear me. They have grown deaf.

Deaf of my blood-curling screams and screeches.

The shadows overwhelm. They crawl from the sides, wanting to devour every single piece of me that is dark and frozen. They want to feed. Feed on my anger, my wrath, my memories, my pain, my hurt.

They want to feed on the being that is me. Sucking me dry until I am but a skeleton of broken dreams. And I will be left alone.

I will feel alone.

Because that is how it should be. And that is how it has been.

I try to reach out. My purplish and blue fingers and nails desperately, desperately, lusting after the light that once shined above. The light that had grown dimmer and dimmer by each passing of day and each step the shadows take.

The light was far away...

Too far away now...

I had fallen.

And I could not get up.